Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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