We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
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