I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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