I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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