just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
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