Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
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So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
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look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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