took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
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