i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
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