It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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