you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize