I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize