I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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