she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
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this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
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this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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