if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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