This is the prime rib incident all over again
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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