my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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