I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Boobs speak an international language.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
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