If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize