Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
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