I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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