I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
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there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
My ATM looks so different sober.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
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Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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