well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
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Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
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CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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