I have demons in me.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
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I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
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Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
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