So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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