Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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