oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
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