I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
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he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
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I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
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