I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
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