I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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