Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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