I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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