Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Randomize