Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize