Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
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