If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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