i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
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I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
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