she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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