just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
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just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
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