allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
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she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
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It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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