Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
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