the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
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just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
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Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
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