it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
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You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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