ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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