So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
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I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
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You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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