suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
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Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
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Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
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