So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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