I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
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