Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
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