my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
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I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
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i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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