now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Did I show you my penis last night?
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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