Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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